I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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