If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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