Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
