who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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