OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
