I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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