it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
