Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
