i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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