Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
