He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i now understand why vodka
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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