i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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