He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
