i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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