Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
