Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
