just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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