I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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