I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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