even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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