he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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