Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
