I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
