Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
