Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
