dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
