Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
