i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
