Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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