just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
