And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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