what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Watching her eat just hurts me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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