we made out on top of his cat.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've blown a few things in my day
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
