well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
