He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
