Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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