isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
