More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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