I'm really into asian looking animals
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
