planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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