the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
