he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The uberlube is also flammable
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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