Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
