just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize