I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
