Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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