It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
