Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
