I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
