theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
