Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
birth control should be required to get into college
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
