and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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