I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
