No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
