it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.