the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it