You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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