i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling