Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.