No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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