curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
