Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
