I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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