Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
