That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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