I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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