Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Green mimosas i think yes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
