Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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