the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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