I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you would pick up someone in the library
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
